Harsh Feedback
At its introduction, the Triumph TR7 wrinkled some noses due to its unusual styling. When legendary designer Giorgetto Giuigiaro saw its profile for the first time, he didn’t say anything, and then allegedly walked around to the other side and said, “Oh no! They’ve done the same to the other side as well.”
Okay, it doesn’t have the proportions of an Aston Martin DB9, the aggression of a 1969 Dodge Charger, or the presence of a Ferrari 250 GTO. And time hasn’t been good to it either (although anything with huge rubber impact bumpers has aged like guacamole). Nevertheless, it was the result of countless hours of work for lots of people, many of whom could have had hurt feelings by Giuigiaro’s review.
Words hurt. A few negative words from one person tend to overpower a multitude of positive words from other people. The worst words ring like a gong in our minds for years to come. So, in an attempt to avoid pain from hurtful words, we usually follow the advice of the person saying them. We stop trying to design cars because someone we admire said hurtful words about our effort. We let the hurtful words win.
Yet the Bible gives us dozens of examples of people who refused to let pain from harsh feedback keep them from using God-given gifts. Shortly after David became king of Israel, he led an army to recapture the ark of God from enemy hands in Baalah. Upon bringing it back to the City of David, David, “wearing a linen ephod (or vest), danced before the Lord with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets.” (2 Samuel 6:14-15) When David returned home, still joyful, the first person he saw was Michal, Saul’s daughter, who came out to meet him. She called his actions vulgar, slammed his celebration as un-kingly, and shamed him for how he presented himself and his office in front of the people he was leading.
David was full of emotions from the day’s previous activities when the daughter of his predecessor gave him a scathing performance review. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity probably flooded his mind. Maybe he wondered if other people felt that way about him. This moment could have killed the joy, serendipity, and courage that would later define his leadership. Instead, his response was: “‘It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel – I will celebrate before the Lord.’” (2 Samuel 6:21)
This passage tells us that David valued God’s opinion of him more than Michal’s. He knew his leadership was off to a good start, and his conscience was clear on how he celebrated. He also probably knew that Michael didn’t contribute anything to bringing the ark of God back to Israel. The passage doesn’t say how Michal celebrated its return. Maybe she didn’t.
This is the point of “Daring Greatly,” a book by Dr. Brene Brown. Its title borrows from the famous motivating speech by Teddy Roosevelt. He said opinions from critics on the sidelines should not be allowed to douse the fire of the daring and risky person in the gladiatorial ring, or leading an army for God, or in the design room at Triumph. Dr. Brown suggests a kind of intentional vulnerability as vital for any work that’s worth doing. When we let negativity paralyze us, we aren’t using our God-given gifts to do what we were meant to.
Intentional vulnerability will put us in situations that can be challenging, but also excellent for our growth. It means distinguishing between:
Acting in faith using a God-given gift in a safe setting, i.e. entering your tuned Mustang in a car show, and
Carelessly putting ourselves in risky situations where negative feedback is a given, i.e. trying to drift your tuned Mustang while leaving the car show.
and
Reasonable, loving feedback from a person we admire, i.e. “No need to show off after the show ends, and also, the sign says no burnouts or drifting,” and
Unconsidered insults from people who don’t have our best interests in mind, i.e. “If you don’t drift your Mustang while leaving a car show, you’re a wimp.”
Decades after the Triumph TR7’s introduction, there are a lot of good things we can find to say about it. Or we can slam it, and douse the fire of a future car designer among us.
